Go Girl Definition: A group of girls that you can depend on to make a pact at the beginning of every year, preferably over shots of tequila on a beach. That will help you for the next 12 months to make this resolution a reality and whom you will give guidance, vino sessions and optimism to; so that they can make their Go Girls challenge a reality as well! A flock of Go Girls usually consists of one or two guys, preferably straight, but a gay male is found in the mix occasionally too.

While pints with your bro’s, gigs with your boys and nights of debauchery with your hombres are a necessity for any modern man. Whether we’ll admit it or not, every male has a secret stash of Go Girls somewhere on their speed-dial. These women are not to be mistaken for booty calls, because really head from them would be like getting deep-throated by your mixed race cousin Shaniqua and you know that’s just wrong. These girls are the type of broads you call when you’ve got a dilemma, whether it’s associated with love, career, lust, betrayal, a decision, friendship, family or your health. This is not to say that your bearded bro’s don’t have the swag to give you some sage advice on all of your manlemmas. But a Go Girl will give you an alternative perspective and in all honesty, will show you the mirror needed to reflect what a tool, cunt or idiot you’re being about a situation.

I found my first Go Girl at age 8 when Penelope Brown arrived at my primary school from the culture capital of Aotearoa, Wellington.  Sure there was a time when we went steady together, held hands and even made out in a hut that we had built out of flax and ferns. But I knew this girl was different, she wasn’t just an instant crush whose titties I wanted to cop a feel of…she was my friend too. And although our word for word knowledge of Aqua lyrics, shared love for TV Hits Magazines and mean Cotinine Joe disco moves. Were probably a sure-fire sign to most parents that this puppy love didn’t have much disco stick to it, to everyone but my mother, twenty years later this Go Girl is still in my life. We went to different high schools, yet when she needed a date for her senior ball thanks to a last-minute man-ditch. We owned that Alice in Wonderland themed event and got dirty on the dance floor of the Survivor themed afterball too, as only two ‘Go Girls’ can do. Even pre-my departure to Melbourne we found ourselves cackling like ten year olds again, as we devoured cocktails in the Golden Dawn courtyard, talked about our future ambitions, failed relationships and reminisced about that time her Mum left my parents Christmas party and it took her two hours to get home. Even though she lived a ten-minute drive from my folks place, courtesy of Mums infamous mince tarts and their homegrown festive additives.

At age 13 going on 14, as an awkwardly lanky teen who was too shy to make lasting friends and who kicked it in the schoolyard with nerds obsessed with South Park and Warcraft, I met Veronica (Dubs). Dubs introduced me to the world known as the field and the morning fixes known as Bledisloe Park, the back of the RSA and the St Johns Ambulance Hall. Each of these hangouts was of course a nest for teenagers in need of nicotine nourishment and midday tokers. But although we were fans of both these indulgences and her teenage rebellion made lunch breaks with the World of Warcraft gang look like an episode of Barney. I knew there was something more to our friendship than just a partner in hotbox crimes kinda bond. When I look back at the slide show of memories that we’ve had together over the past fifteen years, there’s not really much we haven’t done and a lot we shouldn’t have done, but that’s what defines a Go Girls friendship. You grow together and try every shade of the world that’s available in your size together, no matter the consequences and you let your fuck-up’s define you together. And no matter whether you stumble off a beach in daylight higher than Amanda Bynes, to find yourself in a coastal towns New Years Eve parade submerged between a senior citizen marching band and a stampede of cops. Endure 10 days of eudemonic exploration in Melbourne on your university course related costs, only to arrive at the airport 24 hours before you’re supposed to fly home, or you don your graduation cloaks together and smile with elation at each other as you stride across that stage, ecstatic that you didn’t just complete your degree, but actually got an ‘A’ average. You realize years later as professional Go Girls sharing Friday vino sessions together, that you didn’t get to where you are today by share luck and drive. You found yourself here because of the support and optimism you both gave one another, to pursue your yearly, weekly and monthly Go Girls challenges.

Go Girls of course can come in all shapes and sizes and in the high-school playground I found pearls within a sea of plastic fantastics. To many these girls may have seemed like the Jessie Spanos from Saved By the Bell or Willow Rosenburgs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer of our schoolyard. Yet underneath this presumed veneer they let loose on homemade Kahni-chino liquor shots and grinded the dance floor to Basement Jax’s Red Alert, like only Nicola, Debo and Sarah Short could do. Other high school Go Girls offered me two girls for the price of one in the form of Ali and Fi. Two twins who in the school yard, throughout university and as adults always had the advice that a Go-Boy needs and were more than willing to give it to me too, as long as a DVD and sweet-treats were in the mix. Some Go Girls even get introduced to you as girlfriends of your best bro’s, like Dale, Jilly and Tash and become the type of women who as adults are the security blanket you need when you’re telling everyone in the world to fuck off, even those you love the most. Yet despite your destructive season of acting like an invincible adult cunt, these types of Go Girls are still compassionate enough to come visit you at your parents and share a Milo and biscuits with you, as the comedown of the highs that were, subdue.

Your university years are also the perfect time to find some everlasting Go Girls for life. Because at this stage of your life you’re not just finding yourself as an adult, you’re also subtly grooming yourself to become a power bitch or player professionally. This makes a pack of pointy-heeled sisters who attend lectures with you, DJ it up on crowded dance floors being effortlessly single yet glamorously available, and who have shots of Patrón on the bar like a T.I music video. But who can give you the support to change that paper, ask that crush out or dismiss that player who is sharing your bed but won’t share their heart with you, rudimental to becoming tertiary qualified. Plus hearing the global travels, heartbreaks and tales worthy of Carrie Bradshaw 12-point courier font long after you’ve graduated. From Go Girls like Cath, Joshna, Taryn, Sally, Tanya and Sash; make for the most intoxicating Cosmopolitan sessions every time you find each other on the same shores again.

Another type of Go Girl that you’ll find sweeter than the arrival of 5 o’clock on a Friday is your workplace Go Girls. We’ve all got them whether we’re married straight men or flamboyantly flavorsome fags and we don’t just talk to them at the water cooler. We share our lunch breaks with them, attend their weddings, and spill beer jugs all over bowls pitches with them. We swing on our desk chairs while pumping Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten and pulling LC, Whitney P and Stephanie Pratt facials at each other circa The Hills. We talk about Gossip Girl and Modern Family at their desks while eating sliced apple with chili powder sprinkles. We email them comical GIF images that resemble co-workers with sassy subject lines and share Facebook event invites to possible post-Friday night work drink after parties, then quickly begin negotiating whose place will be the pre-event bar. Yet while this all may sound more like a pilot for a new MTV reality series, rather than a productive professional work environment. The reason why you owned that role, survived those late nights in the office and ultimately got to where you are today in your career. Was because of your work place Go Girls like Vanessa, Kathryn, Kelly, Anna, Arianne and Gabby. After all every diligent, effective and collaborative working relationship needs the champagne bubbles of a healthy Friday night toast.

Lastly of course there are your travelling Go Girls, the ones you may have known prior to arriving in this new cityscape. But who you can now link arms with as you stumble down a sidewalk ignited by neon lights pumping Lady Twerks My Pussy Be Yank’n out of your phone speakers and hailing “they my gurls” to pedestrians. These Go Girls are like onion dip when you’re homesick, make the best homemade earl-grey tea and shortbread ice cream when you need comfort and are the ideal partners in crime for 3-am slavaki sessions, seated on Mexican inspired Fitzroy park benches. Travel Go Girls reinforce to you that you did in fact make the right decision moving here, when you’re suffering from moments of doubt. Though they will usually choose to show you that this was the right decision rather than tell you. By taking you on adventures where public urination squats in the Luna Park fountain are possible, one of your Go Girls pushing drag queens stage left and attempting to belt out her own version of Chicago’s All That Jazz at the Greyhound can happen and trannychaser conversations with men in hi-res laborer uniforms do unfold. Sometimes with these types of travel Go Girls you’ll find yourself singing soberly humiliating renditions of Close to Me by The Cure, grooving with swag at Great Gatsby events with cast members of The Real Housewives of Melbourne and arriving at house parties pumping Bad Girls by MIA, while you’re body rocking out of the sun roof of the meanest Samoan Family Wagon this side of Otahuhu. Yet every one of these moments and each moment with these Go Girls, doesn’t just show you that you made the right decision moving here, it allows you to feel the sensation of this choice and why you made it. Basically though travel Go Girls like Sarah, Kayla, Michelle, Nina, Leah, Elle, Dean, Jack and Emma are the ultimate compass for any foreign Go Girls challenge. Because they keep you accountable for every twelve months shared on this foreign cityscape together, even when pre-exiting for a night out you drunkenly demand they “Get pissed. Get changed and Get Ready”.

However there is one type of Go Girl that shines brighter than the halo of Beyoncé’s trill and that is an Ultimate Go Girl. This is not to say that these broads hold more significance in your heart than all your other gurls. It doesn’t mean that their friendships or the experiences you’ve had with them are anymore significant. Sharing 150 brunch sessions overlooking St Helliers beach while reading Denise and Pebbles agony aunt columns and countless Friday nights spent bringing the Ke$ha to the Family D-Floor and the Mariah and Jay Z Heartbreaker to Karangahape Road flat parties, isn’t what bestows these women with the title of an Ultimate Go Girl. Them being the most radiant beard you could have ever asked for when you were in love or really weren’t ready for love and the fact that you cried every time you heard Adele’s Someone Like You for five months post her departure to Tokyo, even though Santigold’s LES Artistes was the signature track of your love, isn’t why you define her as an Ultimate Go Girl either. The fact that she helped you pack your bags and move out of one of the most difficult living situations of your life and that her words have the ability to give you more warmth than the embrace of any lover in Melbourne, isn’t the only reason why in your eyes she is the Ultimate Go Girl that any guy could ask for either. You call these four females Ultimate Go Girls simply because they breathed for you when you couldn’t. They showed you light when all you saw was dark and they were your lifeline in the most challenging twelve-month Go Girls challenge that you have ever faced in your 28 years on this earth. In years to come who knows Alice and Hannah we may have a child together and buy a holiday home somewhere along the Northern Coast of Aotearoa. One day Aimee we may get married for working purposes or to open a dream restaurant with an unlimited supply of Japanese plum wine that also holds Bikram Yoga classes at 6am each morning.  And there’s no doubt in my mind that when you get hitched Skeetz I’ll be dedicating the worst rendition of Shihad’s Home Again to you and your new groom and that on our 48^th birthday we’ll be celebrating our successes on a rooftop in Brooklyn, New York.

Ultimately though whether you have a Go Girl that you’ve had since you were eight years old and was literally your Joey Potter without the Katie Holmes lip quiver. Whether you’ve had a teenage partner in life and crime who taught you how to be a bold bitch and whose strength got you through every obstacle you’ve faced in life. Whether you have teenage or university Go Girls who as mothers at barbeques in Devonport or globetrotters creating their own narratives abroad, still inspire you with their sense of adventure and courage. Whether you’ve had workplace Go Girls that you compare every new colleague you meet too and party like LC and Whitney P with every time you’re reunited. Whether you have a set of Melburnian Go Girls with the energy to explore every sidewalk, rooftop, tram line and club code of entry with you. Or you have four Ultimate Go Girls that unbeknown to them, will be your heartbeat and pulse for the rest of your life because of the somewhere only we know that the four of us share. Never forget that a man is only as talented as the Go Girls interlinked to his arms, as boisterous as the laughter emitting from his Go Girls lungs and as successful as the women whose words, wisdom and wit helped him make his Go Girls challenge a reality every 12 months!

So today, this week, this weekend, get your girls together. Get a bottle of tequila and make your Go Girls challenge for the next twelve-months. Because Go Girls aren’t fake bitches or soft cocks, Go Girls learn from failure and Go Girls make life happen for them. No matter how hard the journey ahead to secure this challenge is! 

Written by Samuel Elliot Snowden