When we’re five years old we’re afraid of spiders, when we’re 8 years old our biggest fear is dying and when we’re fifteen years old the one thing we’re most afraid of is being unpopular. But when we reach adulthood, when we bridge beyond our childhood naiveties and adolescent narcissism, the one fear that most of us carry with us in every stride we take is our fear of failure.

Fear of failure can come in many shapes and sizes, it can be packaged in a vibrantly obvious hue that is seen by all or it can be neatly disguised like a chameleon only visible to us. Numerous failed relationships and an inability to find a soul mate like our friends, can lead us to fear that we will never find the one and make us assume that every possible relationship is doomed to fail. It can make us remain content in our current work environment and scared to put ourselves out there in the job market because we fear that ultimately any attempts that we make to find a more fulfilling career are doomed to fail. Ultimately though the reason why our fear of failure exists is because we are content in accepting second best and unable to stop being afraid of what could go wrong due to past experiences, when really what we should be focussing on is what could go right and how we as talented, capable and experienced adults, can do everything in our power to ensure our new pursuits become a success.

No matter what the change that we’re longing for is, what we wish we could do or who we know we can be, but are terrified we are incapable of being. Our fear of failure is generally manifested by the five fallacies of failure. These fallacies surface frequently and they brew the doubt within us, they are like an invisible sand weight attached to our ankle and every moment when we awake inspired that maybe we can make this change, they submerge us back beneath water level and prevent us from sprinting towards what may await us at the shores edge.

FALLACY #1: I’m too old to start again 

When we know an environment is no longer right for us and the possibilities of a fresh beginning, hold so much more hope than the now that we are living in. One of the first things that prevent us from taking our first steps towards planning this change occurs when we look in the mirror. We see the growing age lines on our forehead, our waning hairline and the belly that was nonexistent a decade ago. This reflection affirms to us that while the thought was nice we’re too old to start again, we have responsibilities, we need to be working towards the lifestyle goals of our friends and making this drastic change will impact too many others to be an admirable pursuit. The problem with assuming that our age and the distorted reflection in the mirror is going to contribute to our failings, is that we are neglecting to remember that our age is what will undeniably strengthen our pursuit to achieve any change, because from pervious experiences that we have learnt from and simply living as an adults and professionals, we become empowered with the wisdom to learn from the mistakes of our past.

FALLACY #2: I don’t deserve to succeed! 

Another reason why fear of failure seems to diffuse our aspirations is our belief that we are not worthy of success or something far beyond where we are now. This disbelief in our own worth is often bred by previous failures, hurdles that led us to give up on a goal and rejections of the past that prevented us from making a significant developmental change. By assuming that we are worthless of greater triumphs, we forget to remember that our inner worth has actually led us to where we are today, after all if we were not worthy of professional success then we’d still be doing the same part time job we had in high school and as for love, well if our personality was incapable of charming others with its grace, then we’d be an unloved loner rather than an adult with a wealth of loving social companions.

FALLACY #3: I can’t it’s too risky

Taking a chance on something new, embracing a pursuit of happiness that is driven solely by our actions and deciding to exchange the security of where we are today for an uncertain future, can be a terrifying thought. Yet the day you took a risk at five years old and let go of your Mums hand to hang your school bag up on that hook outside your classroom, your progression in life began and the moment you chose to lay your first kiss on that boy or girl when you were nine years old, your quest to find someone whose gaze made you smirk uncontrollably, began to unfold as well. By choosing to give into our fears of failure and sacrificing possibilities for security, we are unable to evolve and when we are incapable of evolving we tend to self-destruct both emotionally and physically. Yet if an eighty year-old widower can still put on her favourite outfit and stroll down the street to make a deposit to the bank, while having conversations with the bank teller and still holding her head up high as she walks along a sidewalk that probably seems foreign to her, due to the changing of times. Then we as twenty, thirty, forty and fifty something’s can surely embrace the risks that come from says yes to change and ensuring any new direction we decide to take does not subside due to our fear of failure.

FALLACY #4: I’m scared of what others will think

No matter what we are doing in life, whether we are sitting on public transport, laughing with friends at a bar or visiting our doctor for an uncomfortable check up, we are all subject to the ridicule and judgment of strangers. Our partners will fuel us with fear about our joint financial securities if we undertake a new venture, our parents may scorn at us for our unconventional lifestyle choices and our friends opinions on a new love interest will more often than not carry more weight than our own feelings towards a prospective partner. Yet when the judgments of others become the compass that dictates our life, you’ve got to honestly ask yourself who you’re living your life for, yourself or the person those in your life expect you to be? We’ve all faced rejection in life, we’ve all felt how it feels to stubbornly go against the advice of others and then fail, but life is gifted to us all so that we can learn to live the life we want to live and in reality the only person in life who really views us as a failure is ourselves. After all life isn’t just what happens to us because of our failures, it’s what we make happen for us from our failures.

FALLACY #5: I don’t think I have the stamina 

The final misconception that breathes life into our fears of failure is our own self-doubt over our perseverance. As smokers we assume we won’t be able to go out socially without being tempted if we deicide to quit, as singleton’s we presume after a season of painful first dates that we’re better off being single and embrace a season of independence and as professionals we commit to the mundane because we don’t think we’ve got the resilience to make a drastic career change. Yet whether we’re a nine year old who refuses to leave a theme park at 5pm or an 86 year old who refuses home help, every one of us has the strength and perseverance to dig our heels in when it counts. So rather than allowing your stamina to be a contributing factor to your failings, remember that a goal, a change and a lifetime is not measured by the duration that it takes to get to a destination, the real feeling of accomplishment comes from the story you tell others about how you reached this newfound destination. Besides whether you’re an alcoholic who toasts a single malt to the mirror every night before pouring its remains down the sink or a solo mother who prays over her child’s bedside every night, thanking the lord above for gifting her with this unconventional blessing that the world said would never be hers. The glory of every day post reaching that destination, can only fuel your perseverance to make sure that  you achieve every pursuit you desire in life.

The truth is fearing failure is being human, but when our motivation to avoid failure exceeds our motivation to succeed, then the only person we are letting down is ourselves, as we unconsciously sabotage any chance of a new beginning and close the door to any new opportunities. It’s hard work being optimistic, sometimes it feels like we’re brainwashing ourselves with positivity just to keep our confidence in a new pursuits worth. But if our fears of failure become a frequent flyer on every new destination we decide to take, then taking flight will always seem impossible.

I know for myself there are three things I do to regain my confidence when I begin to loose faith in any venture or when my own fear of failure takes over. They are small things, they are sights we all see everyday but at any given time when I feel like a failure or that I am incompetent of achieving something, I run through Fitzroy gardens at 7 am and see the homeless people sleeping near the entrance and am thankful that for everything I don’t have right now, at least I’ve got a roof over my head. When I question my perseverance and begin to let my fear of failure motivate my decisions, I take a walk to The Shrine of Remembrance and remember what my grandfather and so many of our grandfathers and grandmothers endured at home and offshore to fight for our futures. And when I feel that worthless that I believe I am a failure, I find a hospital and locate its ambulance bay and I just watch those ambulances come rushing in and out and I smile. Not because it makes me happy seeing others suffering more than me, but I smile because I am still not that low that I have to be wheeled in by paramedics for attempting to take my own life and then I smile a little bit more, because I know how far I have come from that dark place so many years ago when the only destination I believed I was worthy of was death.

Ultimately though when it comes to fear we are alone and being alone is something we all fear, but being afraid, being terrified about what’s next and having to push ourselves harder than we ever have before to achieve a goal, that’s what reminds us all that we’re alive. Fear shows us that we need each other and that we need to talk about our uncertainties with others to get the clarity we need to succeed. Sometimes in our moments of doubt when we let everything all out and watch our composed mask fall, we even discover how much warmth and fortune we really have in the company we keep.

Every time we say yes to something new, each time we decide to farewell something old and whenever we find ourselves somewhere that we never thought we would be, our fear of failure will always intrude to disrupt our line of flight. But as for how our fear of failure changes the route of our journey towards success, well that is solely up to you and you alone.

Written by Samuel Elliot Snowden