đź“· by @hannahbusing.
Spring sun beckons our strides towards the hilltops of an empty Abbotsford park. Our shared laughter is a warm breeze between our calf muscles as we share an afternoon of extravagant delight together. We find the perfect space to settle and bathe in the 30° heat. He rips his shirt off ten minutes into sunbathing and instantly all I want to do is get close to him and have that torso straddled on top of me and those lips caressing every body part of mine. Dr Long Black removes his sunglasses; his gaze becomes focused upon every utterance I make. I lift my oversized black lenses too. We lay there on that grass oblivious to the world around us and searching the internal corridors of each other’s pupils. At this moment, his partner doesn’t exist. In the now, he is mine and I am his.
Here in the now our bond is visible through the unspoken silence and transfixed shared contemplation between us. When we’re in this cloud aura, we are fused together as one until the petals towering above us open up again, and the realities of each of our situations and commitments come back into the light. The park empties and I lean over to kiss him, our lips and tongues fall back into that synced conversant waltz that is us and our embrace quickly turns from a leisurely lazed one and into a raw and passionate one. As our thrusts and hands swiftly connect with the chemistry of each other’s desires. His chest is where my head sleeps, his touch is the one that makes me feel alive, but his bed is not shared with me when night falls.
For a large part of my life, I’ve been the Charlotte York of my social circles. I can party with hedonistic bravado and am by no means a prude when it comes to the decisions made by others. But when it comes to affairs of the heart, I’ve always had the false belief that the kind of love made for movie screens exists and monogamy, well that’s a luxury that a relationship affords us and a practice that we must honour not abuse. Throughout my twenties, I have witnessed close friends become the other lover as they dabble in seasonal affairs with embraces that they couldn’t resist. But the thought of me being the other man and investing my energies into a tongue-tied relationship where the one that I desired already had a long-term partner. Well, that tryst just didn’t align with my moral compass, until I met Dr Long Black.
It all began as such a simple flirtation, one that culminated into the kind of sexual explorations, penetrations and sensations reserved for the frames of Pornhub streams. One taste was never enough with Dr Long Black. When our hands intertwined, the pulsations of our chest hair aroused our appetites and the Joie De Vivre felt when we entered each other transpired, my moral compass was always the one kink that his bag of sex toys couldn’t permit.
The only problem with choosing to dismiss your moral compass and realising that being with him outweighs any guilt about your clandestine tryst. Is that the moment we say yes to an affair, we begin writing the soundtrack of our version of events. We start sharing our sexual foreplay with friends, imagining what it would be like to have him as our significant other and organise hangs that transpire outside of the bedroom.
If you saw Dr Long Black and I running you’d think we were mates. If you saw us in a crowded park basking in the sun, you’d think we were a loved-up new couple. If you saw us on a dance floor or sharing a meal at a newly opened Fitzroy venue, you’d question how we kept the spark alive as a couple. In all of these moments when narratives were transpiring in public spaces, it too quickly felt like we were sharing these experiences as a couple, one that was building the foundations of a life together. Our gestures, expressions and the way we responded to each other like young lovers intoxicated in each vignette that we created together simply radiated to the outside world.
Despite the feelings that grow and knowing that there’s nowhere that you wouldn’t follow him too and nothing that you wouldn’t do for his kiss. Moments always surface when we will see a guy on the street on our way home from work and ask is that him? Is he the unaware victim on the outskirts of our affair?
More often than not we’ll see the victim’s point of view unfold on screen and observe the hurt felt from the ramifications of their partner’s infidelity. As for the other lover, well they’ll be portrayed as the villain and their point of view will remain unspoken. The affairs impact on their narrative is left untold because they knowingly continued to destroy a relationship with their actions. But what if an affair happens at the perfect time for both parties intertwined in the sinful tryst? What if both lovers paths collided because they were at a crossroads and needed this shared connection to regain a new sense of direction? Well, that’s the moment when we find ourselves queuing the soundtrack of the playlist known as The Art of Being the Other Man.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Tennis Court by @Lorde while you 📖 🎧.
When you are together as one, the world outside of your embraces will always seem irrelevant. What you have together won’t look like an affair, in all honesty, it probably won’t even seem like an indecent act of betrayal. Because what you’ve found is something that you enjoy. You’ve discovered someone who stimulates you sexually, physically and emotionally and the more time you spend together, the more aware you will become. Aware of what excites each other as your limbs connect to create something so intensely primitive and passionate that you yearn for it again and again.
However, despite the happiness that this pleasure brings and the ecstatic grin that you wear each time you leave his townhouse. Two blocks later that feeling will always resurface in your stomach. The churning that reminds us that this affair needs to end because they have a partner and have been together longer than the duration of most marriages. And you can’t let yourself create fantasies about the what-ifs of you and him because he already has a partner and you are nothing more than the other man.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Be Mine Tonight by @TwinShadow while you 📖 🎧.
Despite your intellect and ability to accept that your connection is not a relationship and regardless of the fact that you are still single and able to date others. Sometimes our hearts don’t pulsate in the direction that they should. You’ll begin to be courted by another person, enjoy dating them and they’ll probably be the type of fantastic guy who on paper is perfect for you and has a world-view that complements yours. But then when you are under the covers with this insatiable new romance, you’ll ask yourself why can’t he touch me like Dr Long Black and why can’t our kisses linger and connect like they do with him?
Once the bedroom dancing is over and after you’ve let this new person explore all of you. They’ll stare at you lovingly and you’ll look back at them and ask, why am I not feeling the butterflies I feel post-sex with Dr Long Black? You’ll go to sleep; then he will coil into you. He will spoon you with warmth, the type of heat that could easily become a permanent electric blanket for you. But then as he begins to snore, your gaze will be focused on the ceiling above you. You can stay all night at this new guys house and even wake up and go out to brunch together like a real prospective romance when the sun rises too. However, as lovely as being next to this new lover may feel. He is not the one who you want to be yours tonight. The one whose arms you want to wake up in when morning comes, because he is at his place and in the arms of his significant other.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Halo by @Beyonce while you 📖 🎧.
The more time you spend with Dr Long Black, the more you learn about his narratives, past, present and future. The more you understand what drives him in life, know what you are offering him that his partner cannot and begin to appreciate the feeling you have every time you’re in his company. A distorted halo begins to shine above his head. It’s the same halo I guess that we project upon any new lover or friend. The halo forms due to the comfort that they give us, the smiles that emit from us and the joy that is reflected back upon us from his lips. Everything feels so right even though you and Dr Long Black may not be right for each other. But it’s right for you in the now and those moral walls that once made you feel guilty, well baby they’ve come tumbling down. Because all that matters is that you’re happy and that every time he kisses you, you melt like the first time his lips collided with yours.
This halo is the manifestation of how it feels to be with him. Sex isn’t easy and training someone to be accustomed to the pleasures that arouse you can be difficult. But once we have sensual, passionate and meaningful sex, sex that transforms us as much as it offers us stimulation, it’s hard to forget. While many of us may not be able to count the number of sexual partners that we have had on both hands, most of us can count the number of partners who have given us unforgettable sex only one hand.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Read All About It Pt. III by @EmeliSandé while you 📖 🎧.
Once we build trust, once we know each other’s moves, know what they like and know that being next to them whether you’re being affectionate or hanging out just feels right, things change. When you’re running next to them, you’ll feel fearless as you embrace public displays of affection behind tree trunks. When you’re in open spaces brushing your hand against theirs, it won’t be a gesture that scares you. You’ll start mentioning them more and more to your friends and making jokes about the situation. But beneath your self-aware banter, a secret smile will emit from within, because you’re ecstatic to share the experiences of your loving tryst with your peer network.
Contact between you and Dr Long Black will increase and you’ll begin messaging them just to see how their day has been, and suddenly the currents of each of your professional, personal and private rivers are interlinked. But then swells in the current will begin to rise as your friends ask if you are merely a band-aid that offers Dr Long Black something that his partner cannot, something that will be disposed of when things get too intense between you and him?
You’ll be defensive towards your friend’s objective opinions about you and him. Because the possibility of a relationship like yours with him, between his partner and him, is too much pain to comprehend. Despite your awareness of what you and Dr Long Black are, there’s no denying that you’ve developed feelings for him, the kind of emotions that you want the world to read about and now the resolution to this affair of the heart lies with you and you alone.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Some Things Never Seem to Fucking Work by @Solange while you 📖🎧.
You know they like being with you, you know they enjoy your company. Perhaps they even relish the thrill of being with you too. You know how to make them cum. You know how much they love to make you cum. Maybe your cum even tastes similar to Dr Long Black’s partner’s, but sweeter because he hasn’t devoured his partner’s sperm in so long.
This knowledge of how good your sexual connection is, leads you to anticipate catching up with him. You’ll schedule your day around his embrace and even when he cancels last minute and you’re left longing to be with him, but unable to share this disappointment with anyone else because you don’t want to admit that you have fallen hard for him. You’ll still return to his bed the moment that your schedule complements his, because you want to be the Skinny Strong Flat White to his morning Long Black.
Anger and frustration will start to overcome you each time he chooses his partner over you. You’ll take your frustrations out on the pavement as your calves pound against paths you’ve run with him. You’ll tell yourself that you refuse to be a fool for his love, so you’ll go out with your friends, flirt with others, dance with a sluttacious swag and find a guy with a look that’s worthy of billboards. But then you’ll decline his advances and Uber home with your girls because all you want to do is go home and queue Solange as you jerk off over that shower snap he sent you yesterday.
You know that it’s time to move on, but then he messages you and any anger that arose from his postponement of pleasure is forgotten. Because tomorrow you’ll be naked on his kitchen bench top and entranced in his gaze as he thrust you with the kind of vigour that only he can deliver.
Tap ⬆️ to listen to Be Mine by @Robyn while you 📖 🎧.
No matter how good it feels, how amazing life could be if they left their partner. The time will come when you need to admit that you’ve developed feelings for them and as this realisation sinks in, more often than not you’ll need to accept, that they never were yours and will never be yours.
The realisation happens at that moment when you see a photo of them with their partner on the refrigerator that you’ve got him pinned against. His partner’s gaze will startle your thrusts as you see a kind heart before you and his significant other becomes a three-dimensional human being. This photographic signifier lowers your erection as you accept that ultimately things will not change. What you share with Dr Long Black does satisfy you both, but your connection cannot compete with the fifteen-year relationship that Dr Long Black and his partner have shared together.
We all want to feel, we all want to connect, we all want to be loved, to be desired and to experience sex that doesn’t just gratify us but that challenges us. The type of sex that teaches us and shows us sensations that have never been felt before or that we forgot we knew how to feel. We will always meet people who we are instantly attracted to, people who despite the obstacles we are compelled to understand on a deeper and more intimate level. This lust erodes the moral boundaries we have set for ourselves because part of living is evolving and personal growth is shaped by the experiences that we endure and how we react, learn and interpret them.
Choosing to sleep with someone who is in a relationship does not necessarily mean that we’re a horrible person, as ultimately in some way this tryst will affect their relationship as they’re the one cheating. However, when our connection with another blossoms from one of passion into one layered with significance and longing. We must decide whether we are wiser to suffer the pains that come from falling for a lover who will never entirely be ours or endure the heartbreak of saying goodbye.
Letting go is hard, farewelling those afternoon showers post-sex when Dr Long Black and you are chest-to-chest, bare and hypnotised by the rhythm of your tongue-tied desires will eventually become but a memory. As for those hours basking outdoors as sun emitted upon our naked torsos and our eyes spoke a silent dialogue that only we could interpret. Well, they will be hard to forget, because although seasons may pass what it felt to be us, will never fade. Despite the memories of us that I would carry with me beyond us, the reality of Dr Long Black and I was that where he sleeps would always be in his bed with his partner and where I slept would never be in their bed.
Written by Samuel Elliot Snowden.
EXPERIENTIAL AROUSAL 